The correlation of salvation and love.

I am a very formulaic person. I used to make goals and to-do lists, and not accomplishing them was out of the question. They got done, period, in the time increments that I set for myself. Procrastination happened, but it was infrequent and I could still accomplish all of the tasks I needed to get done in the amount of time before bedtime.

But now, I find myself staring blankly into space at 12:00 AM, staring emptily at my to-do list, staring indifferently at my homework assignments, not studying hard enough -- and I want to hit myself, I want to wake myself up, make myself work, but I don't know why I'm losing it. Procrastination is getting the better of me, internet distractions are consuming me, and sometimes I just feel so lost and confused. Why did I undergo this kind of change? What was the catalyst for this transformation? And why, all of a sudden, did I lose my drive?

I'm losing my work ethic. If that's isn't obvious enough. I started losing it at the beginning of junior year, and I really regret not doing better. I could have gotten all the grades that I wanted if I had just pushed myself to that distance. I didn't have far to go. If I had just done a little more, put in just a bit more effort -- my grades would have been where I wanted them to be.

To say that I will work harder here is hypocritical -- writing blog posts is a distraction and not part of schoolwork, so it's technically drawing me away from my work. But I'll say it anyway:

I'll work harder.