burning beneath the stars

I have run out of anger.

I can't be anymore. I'm so tired. I think I've run out of sorrow, too. This whole fiasco is actually not that big of a deal. I think I overblew it in my mind. And there's no use being angry anymore, because the people involved aren't even people I know or care about in the least bit.

Last night, I came home at 6:30. I was tired, burnt out from a ridiculously tiring week, and most of all, upset over the events of the day. And what I saw at home wasn't what I needed to see...at all. In my heart, I cried myself to sleep at just 9 o'clock. I was exhausted, mellow, and upset, all at the same time. And I dreamed such tumultuous dreams last night. I woke up confused, still tired, and with a heavy heart. And this afternoon, when I came home from Davis, I penned a huge email to Eliza and poured my heart out to her. I told her everything that was on my mind, told her about my dreams, my frustration, my tears, my anger, my hurt, and my heart. I told her I was sorry for putting all of my troubles on her, but after all, she's the only one who will understand.

The people who hurt me don't even know who I am. I don't even know who they are. What they did and what they said made my eyes well over with tears. But the fact still stands -- we don't know each other, so whatever they do is none of my business -- unless they pose a threat to someone or something that I hold dear to my heart. I feel the impending storm, but the clouds aren't even here yet.

So why am I so angry? Why am I so frustrated, so exhausted, so sad, and just so...tumultuously unhappy? I hurt, so much, and I don't know how to get rid of it.