Dear you,
For my sake I hope you're reading number one today. It's long but I hope it's meaningful.
Today while I was in Berkeley I thought of you. Not that I don't think of you every day though, because every day, I miss you a little more. On the bart before I fell asleep at San Bruno station, on the tour by the six Nobel Laureate parking spots when I heard Campanile Tower strike (is that how you spell it?) eleven, during the admissions presentation in that petite auditorium, and when I got home and Dexter called me to borrow my glow-in-the-dark sunglasses. It wasn't until he and James came over and sat on my driveway for a while and chatted that I realized how empty summer feels without you.
There are so many opportunities to mess up right now, for both you and me. What more can I say then, except that I'm so so glad we had that talk before you left about breaking up. Even if something does end up coming between us you'll always wind up as my best friend. You're someone who listens to me when I need to talk, someone who holds me close when I cry, someone who comes to find me to spend time with me, someone who knows what I need to live, laugh, and love.
It just makes so much sense, doesn't it? I remember we discussed this. If you find someone who you think is better suited for you than me, you tell me first. And if I agree with you, I'll let you go. If I don't agree with you I'll tell you, and I'll let you make your own decision, putting faith in that you'll make the right decision in the end even if it's just as a platonic friend. The same goes for me if I meet someone new, and the rest is history.
I don't know if I'm just being a fool or if this really is what the nature of our relationship is. Not many people know the full history, so no one can say they understand us in and out. I've read so many stories about these couples -- who are couples, but end up breaking up, and becoming friends, but not just friends. It's so complicated to understand and I don't know if we're one of those.
It's also 1:43 AM now and I feel tired. You're always telling me to sleep when I'm tired and I always refuse you and then the two of us end up talking online for another three or so hours until we both get tired and need to sleep. And there are the nights when you call me at 11 and I hang up the phone at 3:30. I love those nights. I'm so dead tired the next day but the talks that we have are meaningful and they make me feel like I understand you and me a little better every time. I remember the first night we had one of those. Over the phone you said at that very moment you wanted to see me and hug me. It made me happy to know that somewhere out there someone was thinking of me.
So hopefully you know that somewhere out there someone is thinking of you too. She misses you every day and hopes you enjoy what she prepared for you and the three weeks yet to come. And she wants you to know that she loves you no matter what happens.
Love,
me
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