I used to be love drunk, now I'm hung over.

I think you are such a fool. Has a certain something dulled your senses, or were you always like this? I'm literally counting the days until your very unreal fantasy melts down to what it froze within to begin with -- a plethora of foolish and make-believe promises that will not be kept.
___

I am not here. I will not be. I promised myself I wouldn't be. But the temptation is enormous. And sometimes I question whether or not what has been asked of me is... just too much for me to handle. But I promised myself I would do this. This is what I want. If I want it bad enough, I'll do what it takes to get what I want. So why, why not?

I don't understand why I don't want anyone to understand what I'm doing. I think I'm just scared of not achieving it and appearing foolish, appearing like I, too, was floating around in some fantasy that I couldn't achieve in the end. It's not the same thing. I'm playing such a different game, and with no one else except myself, my grades, and my future.

So why, why not?