It's sad. It really is.

I remember picking up the newspaper Saturday morning, expecting to see the usual influx of murder cases, hit and runs, public drunks, and maybe some more Obama news on how he's getting a new dog.

But then I read the murder case on the Valley headlines and I looked at the suspect's name. And I remember thinking, "Oh God, no. He's Chinese."

Seriously, Virginia Tech all over again?

But then I read the article, and I began to formulate an understanding for why this man killed the three people. "A normal father", people called him. Normal. But obviously, he was living on a line and somehow lost his balance and fell off. There's nothing wrong with that in real life. But when you fall a bit further than others, and can't get back up...well, sometimes you go to extremes, when you just "can't take it anymore".

So he took the gun and killed two men and one woman. Confined to a mental ward by the sheriff, it was obvious that he wouldn't be the same ever again.

I read the newspaper headlines today when I came home from school. And I know I'm a horrible person for not thinking of the victims who were killed first, but when I saw the picture with his head bowed, looking like a total criminal in that yellow smock, I almost cried.

I'm not saying I feel completely sorry for him. I know what he did was wrong, very wrong, but I read the article, and they quoted the lawyer. He said "Even the most law-abiding person can break under stress."

What about his children? What does his wife have to tell them? "Ba ba zuo le huai shi, suo yi...bu ke yi hui lai." How can these children believe that the dad that played with them during summertime, splashing in the pool and piggybacking them across the backyard...took a gun, aimed it at a person, and pulled the trigger?

It's just so sad how people can burst under stress. I don't know the circumstances surrounding the situation, because obviously, I'm not related to this man or his family. But I can't help but think of...how hard it is, to provide for a family. And when you're fired because your "performance" is not up to par...can you imagine the panic, the fear, about your status as a family breadwinner, and how you can no longer serve this position?

And then, I think of my own father.

I think about how he works so hard for our family. I think about how he comes home every night, and the first thing he asks is "How was your day?" It's never "Whew, I had such a hard day today!" It's always "How was yours?" My dad never complains. He works tirelessly during the week and on the weekends he always asks my brother and I, "What do you want to eat this weekend?" He ends up spending the whole weekend cooking, baking, doing some sort of home improvement project...being productive. Sometimes I wonder if he's ever worried or anxious about anything.

Whenever my aunt calls from Thailand to talk to my dad, her younger brother, I'm always the one who ends up talking to her because I pick up the phone first. She always tells me about how lucky I am to have a father like her little brother. And every time I just nod, listen, and say "mhm" every now and then. But now I think I know why.

I'm old enough to realize that what my parents do for me is not "just because". I think I'm past that. But sometimes, when I'm angry at them, I immediately see all of their little fallacies and hate them for giving me so many rules. But it's at that point that I lose sight of what's really important...I've been alive my 16 years because of their care. I think that's saying a lot.

Parents love you like no one can. And really, it's amazing what they do to protect the ones they love. I don't believe this man killed his boss out of hate, or because he was a criminal, sick-minded person. I believe this man was under so much stress, workload mixed in with providing for his family, that he simply couldn't handle the fact that he would no longer be able to feed his children. He took the three lives because he couldn't stand it. And I know it's wrong. But don't you believe that he was simply head over heels for his family...and that is what led him to such horrible atrocities?

I think that's the most powerful love in the world.

emilie muller, comedienne

It's going, going, gone.

thebreakfastcafe → karenpizookie
Valid starting: 12/1
Change me up if you have me added, dears. :)

& shush, I like the word. ♥