still as ever.

LOOOOOL THIS IS TOO CUTE NOT TO POST
LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW haha yoochun ke aiiii ♥

second & third are my favorite.

I should sleep now.

my JoJo

Still caught in You're Beautiful depression. /wavers

I submitted my UC apps in the early afternoon. I'm scared that something went wrong and I messed up, but there's really no use worrying anymore, since they're already out and gone.

I have a stack of articles to grade & homework to do. I'm tired... and not exactly happy.

I hope tomorrow is better.

done.

I finished episode 16.
Without subs, so I only understood the "sarang hae" part.
Taekyung and Minyu end up together (now that I think about it, of course) but the spoilers were all wrong, haha. There is nothing especially squeal-worthy at the end, except...go see for yourself :) Despite that, it's still a happy ending, and I think I am satisfied.

I guess I'm happy that this addiction will stop, because it's rather unhealthy.
But I'm sorry to say goodbye to the drama, because it was definitely amazing.
I'm glad I can listen to the soundtrack without pause now.

Deep down though, I am pretty depressed about the whole drama.
This always happens, and I'm sure it'll pass in time.


Goodbye, You're Beautiful. Thanks for keeping my heart rate up the past few weeks. I will miss all of you very dearly.

such A.N.Jell's

waiting is so difficult.
the finale of you're beautiful comes out tomorrow, but I know it's not going to be hardsubbed until friday or saturday night.

I am currently surviving off MVs of the soundtrack before it comes out.
& in the meantime, UC statements need to be submitted. I can't when I'm in this stage though.
I don't know who still reads my blog (besides claire) but if you want to watch the drama, you should watch the first video :) it doesn't give anything away but it's super cute.

lovely day by park shin hye, who plays minam/minyu in the drama.



this one doesn't have a lot of cute scenes with taekyung/minyu but the song is really good, and park shin hye has an amazing voice.

sarang ge chu wo e-yo

my heart is calling - I don't know the artist name but the song is amazing




sigh, time to work.
hang in there, I can do this!! just a few more days...

nobody knows

today in english, julie came up to my desk and rapped out, "TIME IS TICKIN', TI-TIME IS TICKIN' TICKIN'...!" and i stared at her kind of ... o.O until she was like "you know? EPIK HIGH!" and i was like OH haha just kidding i knew that, at least kind of T-T

i feel like i've already made the pilgrimage from the rest of the world to the world that is kpop, but i need to keep up! ..once apps are done, i will. only two more days until the finale of you're beautiful! three, technically, but i'm assuming it'll be up by wednesday night, thursday on asian time. waiting is pure torture, because i've been boycotting the soundtrack until the final episode comes out so i won't be depressed when i hear the music, and A.N.Jell is losing plays in my library... saddening, it is.

i really, really hope taekyung ends with minyu, or i will spend a week not doing apps and just crying in the corner of my room. i'm not even kidding, that honestly sounds like something i would end up doing if that's what ends up happening.

over and out to homework. but before, love, love, love...

밤 12시 술 취해 지친 목소리
새벽 2시 차갑게 꺼진 전화기
아무도 내 맘을 모르죠
I can't stop, love love love
아파도 계속 반복하죠
I can't stop, love love love

있나요 사랑해본 적
영화처럼 첫 눈에 반해본 적
전화기를 붙들고 밤새본 적
세상에 자랑해본 적
쏟아지는 비속에서
기다려본 적
그를 향해 미친듯이
달려본 적
몰래 지켜본적 미쳐본적
다 보면서도 못본 척

있겠죠 사랑해본 적
기념일 때문에 가난해본 적
잘하고도 미안해 말해본 적
연애편지로 날 새본 적
가족과의 약속을 미뤄본 적
아프지말라 신께 빌어본 적
친굴 피해본 적 잃어본 적
가는 뒷모습 지켜본 적
can't stop love
미친듯 사랑했는데 왜
정말 난 잘해줬는데 왜
모든걸 다 줬었는데
you got me going crazy
can't stop love
죽도록 사랑했는데 왜
내 몸과 맘을 다 줬는데
모든걸 잃어버렸는데 어떻게

아무도 내 맘을 모르죠
I can't stop, love love love
아파도 계속 반복하죠
I can't stop, love love love

있나요 이별해본 적
빗물에 화장을 지워내본 적
긴 생머리 잘라내본 적
끊은 담배를 쥐어본 적
혹시라도 마주칠까
자릴 피해본 적
보내지도 못할 편지 적어본 적
술에 만취되서 전화 걸어본 적
여보세요 입이 얼어본 적

있겠죠 이별해본 적
사랑했던 만큼 미워해본 적
읽지도 못한 편지 찢어본 적
잊지도 못할 전화번호 지워본 적
기념일을 혼자 챙겨본 적
사진들을 다 불태워본 적
이 세상에 모든 이별 노래가
당신의 얘길꺼라 생각해본 적

can't stop love
미친듯 사랑했는데 왜
정말 난 잘해줬는데 왜
모든걸 다 줬었는데
you got me going crazy
can't stop love
죽도록 사랑했는데 왜
내 몸과 맘을 다 줬는데
모든걸 잃어버렸는데 어떻게
아무도 내 맘을 모르죠

I can't stop, love love love
아파도 계속 반복하죠
I can't stop, love love love

바보처럼 울고 또 술에 취하고
친구를 붙잡고 그 사람을 욕하고
시간이 지나고 또 술에 취하고
전화기를 붙잡고 say love

아무도 내 맘을 모르죠
I can't stop, love love love
아파도 계속 반복하죠
I can't stop, love love love
아무도 내 맘을 모르죠
(사실은 당신만 모르죠)
아파도 계속 반복하죠
이러다 언젠가 다시 마주치겠죠

rainy days and gloom

dear karen,

failure is okay when it happens.
the hard part is learning to pick yourself up.
but you can do it.

when you...

find out where you went wrong.
learn to correct those mistakes.
and don't do it again the next time.

i can handle this.
no more tears, now.

strawberry days

tonight my mom called me to dinner and i was filling all the bowls of rice. i pulled the bowls from the dishwasher, four of them. it wasn't until i had finished the second one that i realized...why was i taking out four bowls, when there were only three people who would sit down to eat tonight?

i miss you, daddy.

and because i pushed his first picture off my main page, another one:


a.k.a the couple from you're beautiful ♥ WHY ARE THEY NOT DATING @_@
i want to watch, very badly.

pushing JGS off the main page @_@

i just want to go back. so badly. i miss it more than i allow myself to imagine. i don't want to care about anything else. i miss my dad. i want to see the house. i want to eat the food. i want to see my family. i just want to go home.

i miss these wonderful people:



actually if i really think about it, the only difference between the two pictures is that lee-wei replaced wolf. we do love our guys.

i miss.

go mi nam! a-anyeoung...

more than anything in the world (well, besides daddy coming home) i just want to watch you're beautiful right now. it is so hard to keep away from viikii or mysoju right now.

i'm staring at my calculus homework and A.N.JELL songs and jang geun suk and hongki all keep popping into my head. this is torture, torture i tell you! D:< especially because i'm determined not to touch any asian dramas until after apps are done...swearing off youtube altogether is really extreme, so i'll settle for boycotting dramas for now. i don't think i can last past the UC due date but i will persevere! sigh.

watching dramas always depresses me, but once i start one i can't stop, i have to finish it before i put it down. which is why i try not to watch them too much anymore. after winter sonata, i was depressed for a month, just really sluggish and low self-esteem...idk, i think it's just me ;__;

on the other hand i got a 9 on my french mock exam composition :D it made me really happy during second period, and since i'm always half dead in calculus it was a minor little plus for today.

short day tomorrow. i will finish calc homework & english, then do college essays. here i go.

speeding heart rate.

this deserves a new entry:

why hello there. guess what! new celebrity crush: (OH MY sdfklafn;)


jang geun suk from the drama you're beautiful. homygosdfshklj he is BEAUTIFUL. when i watched the first episode my eyes were completely on hongki so i didn't focus too much on him, but it's pretty obvious that he and park shin hye are the main characters, thus the ones who will be tied together in the end... if he just dropped the black hairdo and did this instead i'd fall instantly for him. and i think i have. oh my god. OH MY GOD, so frickin pretty and 可愛 ;___; it's been a longgg time since i've spazzed about any one celebrity guy.

i think he kind of looks like evan yo. but so much prettier. this picture is making my heart rate speed zomg wut ;__;

..hem. excuse me. *__* i try not to fangirl often, which is why i don't watch dramas anymore because then i get depressed about the cute guys and start major fangirl-spazzing. i'm also trying to avoid watching this drama until apps are over and most of the episodes are out, since i don't like waiting for them.

time to shower! i'm cold. once my brother gets out of our bathroom -__-

i'm so sorry that i love you

quick post before i run off to finish homework and OWN UP to those college statements.

today mimi ahyi took kevin, karissa, jonjei and me to the college talk that one of the chinese school parents was holding at her house. her daughter ellen is a graduate of UC Irvine, and she talked with us for about two hours about the college application process, how to handle it, college life, &c. she's a great speaker and she really knew how to keep the conversation going, even without questions. tzuchi & chinese school networking ftw! i took a lot of notes, and i was really glad that i decided to go after my mom talked me into it.

april, alex and i were the only seniors there... jeremy (from pioneer), michelle (cynthia's sister) and some guy who i didn't get the name of. 'twas fun, bonding with them for a few hours. alex and i started talking about aid when we congregated in the kitchen for snacks and conversation. seriously, whenever i meet someone who's been on that program, it ALWAYS comes up in conversation. it happens all the time -- with norris, with thomas, and now with alex, teehee. it's really fun and i love talking about it, but i don't really like how it excludes everyone else from the conversation :( hard not to talk about it, but we did encourage michelle to apply! ^^

then we talked with ellen about leland teachers...she's so awesome :D "LUCAROTTI'S STILL THERE?!" hahaha. i was pretty sad when we had to leave. and imagine i didn't even want to come in the first place... i'm really glad i went! sunday bonding with friends, and getting info for college. it was pretty awesome.

actually, it's time for dinner. thankie i'm mostly done with apes.
NEED TO WORK after dinner though.

later~

j u l i ette :)

two posts in a day! gasp gasp
i don't want to study right now so i think i'll write. too lazy to capitalize...
fridays are always interesting days. beside print date, which, of course, is always interesting.

in apes we were doing population graphs, and when she gave us the assignment i really had NO IDEA what was going on...but i'm not very comfortable asking ms. o'shea questions, idk why >< rishi was like, karen, you're in calculus, you can do this -_- and i was like but i don't know how to draw the line graph!

apparently i said this a little too loudly and ms. o'shea turned around and said "did i just hear someone say 'i don't know how to draw a line graph?'" i gasped and my face turned completely red, so i immediately looked down at my paper and started labeling my axes...and rishi pointed at me, then said "it's okay, i'm already making fun of her for it." and ms. o'shea was like "karen? do you need any help? are you okay?" and i looked up and my face was SO HOT as i said no, it's okay, i can do it on my own... :'D she had this look on her face (one on the left!):


..except with her EYES OPEN, yes. yeah i get that it's an ugly picture of me, sh-ush.

i really think i should...
finish apes
study chem
finish uc statements
finish rec letter


AHH. okay off to work.

衣服

it's very discouraging to match different articles of clothing in your wardrobe when you're 胖胖的. D:< if you put on layers, you look like a little ball. and though I have a rather large wardrobe, composed mostly of donations from older friends or gifts, it's really hard to find clothes that match with each other in a tasteful yet simplistic fashion.

sigh.

(6 PM)

RING DING DONG: BEST SHINEE SONG EVER ♥
elastic, elastic, elastic, elastic on replay, replay, replay.
but I really should keep studying, this is really bad.

poetry begins with a kiss

done.

..with third print date. I am proud. out of j5 before 11 p.m. but we forgot one thing.
it's okay, though, we're DONE. all sixteen pages.
inside jokes &c. and I got yelled at over the phone. if you're reading this I'm still irritated and pretty hurt that you shouted at the messenger.

big sigh
I really am very tired and I am going to sleep.

shadows searching in the night

good evening blogspot. yes I know my wife is adorable.
I should be studying for my calc test tomorrow, but I am taking a break. not that I've studied much at all... eh. it's always so hard to find motivation to study for calculus.

we had a talk/chat this afternoon...and we came to the conclusion that we're definitely not as close as we were during sophomore year. we don't call each other anymore. we only talk online. we don't even talk at school...or if we do, it's short-lived. sometimes I think it's not even a friendship, it's merely an acquaintance, at the thinnest possible surface level.

I still find myself getting slightly annoyed/angry over stupid things that come between us, and I just don't really know what to do anymore.
答案在那裡? 有選者嗎?

I will cease to ponder to focus on math. must study.

an imperfect you is a perfect you to me.

I came across this song on a Flickr title and it just came rushing back to me. I couldn't find it in my iTunes library so I went and downloaded it again:

"Beautiful Disaster" - Jon McLaughlin

She loves her mama's lemonade,
Hates the sound that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.
She swears that there's no difference,
Between the lies and compliments.
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,
The pictures that she's seen make her cry.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
And she just needs someone to take her home.

She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she'll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfections.

She's not a drama queen,
She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen, but tired

She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home.

'Cause she's just the way she is, but no one's told her that's OK.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,

And she would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,

But she just needs someone to take her home
And she just needs someone to take her home.

hold tight baby, timeless

good mooooooorning, world. it's been a while since I've been up before 9:30 on a Sunday morning. I went to bed exasperated last night and kind of annoyed at someone. it's always pleasant to wake up earl(ier) than usual :)

anyway, I only *recently* discovered this. the mv is long, so it has two parts, but I get chills every time I watch the MV.



TODAY I will finish my math homework (Saturday night fail) & study chemmmm. lots and lots of chem. I promise I'll do it. promise.

(6 PM)

I really wish I never went, I wish I never encouraged you to go, and I wish this nonsense and hurt would just stop.

cherry-like roses

hmm, instead of my usual musing/reminiscing/emo posts, I thought I'd turn this blog into something a little more...lighthearted, shall we say? more daily, such. I write in too many other locations but I've always found myself coming backing to blogspot. esp. since lj/dw are both friends only, and I don't intend on making them public anytime soon. privacy is good, but it's always nice to know that your thoughts are open to someone, somewhere.

yesterday was a very, very happy friday.

• at lunch, Liana, Linda, Claire, Janet, Eliza, Kimberly and I congregated and talked. I walked over to Claire and put my arm around her. she smiled, then moved her head up and kissed my cheek. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST & SWEETEST THING EVER XD because I just went O_O at her and she doubled over laughing, and as the !news! spread, the group of girls just turned into one big giggly group of people laughing and hugging one another. "aww! she's blushing!" :] ♥
• Linda's a gangster. HEHE. I'm not going to let that one go. hahaha.
• 46/50 on an econ test that everyone said was really hard. totally made my 4:00 PM so much more enjoyable, especially since I was staying late at school.
• I got tailed on the way home. that was NOT fun. I called Eliza to look busy, but it was still really dumb and I walked super fast to get away ;___;
  

sometimes I really wish I could just bottle up all of this happiness and laughter and bubbliness, and just let it out for a few minutes each morning before I leave for school, so I could start every day on the right foot.

and today. I don't want to talk about today. dang you SAT IIs. three in one day really makes me lose my work ethic, which is really not cool! but it's time to do math homeworkkkk so I don't turn into a puddle of mush. oh. and then chem. btw, the header is temporary -___- I know it looks super lame right now and I promise I'll change it...eventually. time to work! aza aza fighting, over and out.

work ethic, don't fail me now.

to do list. I WILL ACCOMPLISH THIS ALL BEFORE 12 AM TONIGHT :]

• study econ (finish both chapters, go over reviews, do mock test)
  
• finish math review packet (6 AP problems)
  
• study apes (review notes & study guide, some bookwork)
  
• finish french exercise C + five interrogative questions
  

I'll probably not accomplish this. BUT I WILL. And I will have leftover time for other endeavors.



GO! ;_;