too tired to think of one

It never fails to amaze me how high school students who grew up in the United States and have lived here all their lives have obviously gone through eleven years of public/private schooling and learned absolutely nothing. How to read a Dick and Jane book. How to write their names. How to color inside the lines. Noun. Verb. Adjective. One and three make four. The capital of New Jersey is Trenton.

But you're a high school senior and you don't know what the word "isolation" means?

For "pagoda" (whom some seniors deemed a "tree")　Ｉ should be more forgiving because, well, I'm Asian, it's second nature to me, and pagoda does indeed sound like a tree. It's still a word you should know. But isolation? You have gone through eleven years of schooling and not once encountered this word? Or, if you did, were you simply too lazy to look this word up? How can you possibly get past even the first question on the critical reading section of the SAT with that scope of vocabulary?

How can you live your life like this?

through the kaleidoscope

If you were here, I would watch the meteor shower with you, beneath the burning streetlights and the soft white terrain of the moon. On board the shooting star, I want to show you the way to an infinite tomorrow where you hold your heart in mine.

One of twenty

Survey question of the day:


1. Who was your first crush?

mmm. I don't really remember. As weird as this might sound, I love reminiscing about them, about foolish, impulsive love (which I still fall for, even as time goes on), but of course, they're only crushes and nothing more. I had no interest in boys in elementary school. No crushes, no likes, no nothing. I read American Girl books that told me it was around now that my hormones should make me "start seeing boys in a new light" but I felt none of that. I thought I never would, and what a thought.

I'm 99% sure it was some time during middle school, but I don't really remember who. It was probably really, really small. I had one boy who liked me when I was small, but I think it was an elementary form of infatuation. He picked me flowers and said I love you, but the whole time I never returned it, just smiled secretly and said "okay". I think I was just watching in satisfaction and happy with the fact that someone liked me. I was only seven years old!

Hmm. Maybe Elizabeth remembers. Or Jenny.

Boys are complicated beings to understand, as girls are.

we begin to wonder why

❝Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them.❞

The correlation of salvation and love.

I am a very formulaic person. I used to make goals and to-do lists, and not accomplishing them was out of the question. They got done, period, in the time increments that I set for myself. Procrastination happened, but it was infrequent and I could still accomplish all of the tasks I needed to get done in the amount of time before bedtime.

But now, I find myself staring blankly into space at 12:00 AM, staring emptily at my to-do list, staring indifferently at my homework assignments, not studying hard enough -- and I want to hit myself, I want to wake myself up, make myself work, but I don't know why I'm losing it. Procrastination is getting the better of me, internet distractions are consuming me, and sometimes I just feel so lost and confused. Why did I undergo this kind of change? What was the catalyst for this transformation? And why, all of a sudden, did I lose my drive?

I'm losing my work ethic. If that's isn't obvious enough. I started losing it at the beginning of junior year, and I really regret not doing better. I could have gotten all the grades that I wanted if I had just pushed myself to that distance. I didn't have far to go. If I had just done a little more, put in just a bit more effort -- my grades would have been where I wanted them to be.

To say that I will work harder here is hypocritical -- writing blog posts is a distraction and not part of schoolwork, so it's technically drawing me away from my work. But I'll say it anyway:

I'll work harder.

台灣 我好想你

You know what I really miss?

I really, really miss Taiwan 飲料 T^T 寒天, 黑松, 紅茶, 速跑... American drinks suck. I really miss Taiwan ones.




omg crying @_@ this looks so good

I remember walking to the 全家 or 7-Eleven right outside my grandma's house at 11 pm at night and buying one of these to drink before bed. In the morning, I'd drink 紅茶 and eat 飯團 or something like that.

I really miss the food, too T-T it's like the best thing in the world... shrimp pancakes and noodles and 阿給 and ba wan and 鐵板燒 and 玉米 and 花生 and 刨冰 and ahh so much more @_@ again, American food sucks. My mom bought 玉米 a few days ago, and it's pretty good, but it sucks compared to Taiwan corn...

and on that note, I FRICKIN' MISS MY AID FRIENDS



帶我會去!!

Saying goodbye.

My brother posted about this already. Not long after I saw the post, I realized how much better it would be for me to post about it too. I need to let it out somewhere. This is rather short, and hopefully will be updated later, as I have a pile of homework glaring at me from my desk, and I'd rather not have it glare any more.

My dad took off for Taiwan this afternoon. He won't be back until February, if at all. He's not coming home for Thanksgiving, or Christmas.

On the way there, I promised myself on the car that I would not cry. When we sent him off at the gate, I held it in. Our family friends, my cousin who took us to the airport, my mother and my brother and me all waved goodbye. We all tiptoed and ran all along the terminal, we looked like such idiots, looking for a last glimpse of my dad before he disappeared inside the gate. As I watched him go in, I felt tears welling up inside, but I pushed them down into my stomach with as much willpower as I could muster. My mother and brother held it in too. Everyone did. But I could feel the tension in the air, and I felt the impending storm.

As we headed to the escalator, ready to go down to the parking garage, I saw one of our friends hug my brother. Confused, I pulled him gently towards me, turned him around, and saw that he was crying. "Are you crying?" I asked incredulously. What a stupid, asinine, pointless question that was. Of course he was. My mother saw his face and just crumpled. She lost it, completely broke down into tears, pulled my brother to her, and started crying on him like I had never seen her cry.

I sighed. Damn it, I thought. I can't cry now. I'm the only one who's not. As I pulled both of them towards me, shushing them and telling them everything would be okay, I felt tears welling in my own eyes. I tried to hold them back, but I overflowed, just a little bit. Eventually both of them regained composure, and we headed down to the parking garage.

In the hallway to the parking garage, I purposely walked ahead of everyone. I felt something coming, and I knew I would end up breaking my promise. It was on the escalator that I broke down. I started crying so hard, I could physically feel my eyes puffing up on my face. I wiped my tears away silently, and my mother, cousin and brother, who were walking behind me, didn't notice. Or if they did, they didn't point it out.

When we came home, my other cousin and my aunt came bearing food to our house. I love my extended family, I really do. They left about two hours ago. But even with their company and their support, I am still in aftershock. I am constantly checking the EVA Air website to check the flight status, even though I know my dad won't be landing for another six hours. But it gives me an eerie sort of comfort, like that flight time and arrival and departure are my connections to him.

I really, really miss my dad. I want him to come home. I miss him, and he's not even there yet.

kurufu tofu!

I'm back.
So much has been going on, and I regret not writing it all down. I really do.
I mean,

journo drama; man, we editors-in-chief live hard lives. Not only do we take responsibility for everything that happens on the staff, but we also work our butts off behind the scenes. I guess that's what teachers feel like when students approach them to have grades changed, and I regret not seeing this when I was a staff writer. There are the good days when the staff are following our directions, no one outside of journo is taking our food, people aren't asking the same questions over and over again, and I am happy. There are the bad days when I want to sit in a corner and cry because of the stress and everything seems to be going wrong, but I know Janet will be annoyed at me for wallowing in myself so I don't. There have been days when we've held on tightly to each other, and yes I have cried on her before, but we make it through this together.

In a nutshell:

• The Columbia Scholastic Press Association Award. Congratulations to EiCs 2009 ♥
• Adobe InDesign CS4. We (or Janet) finally got it to work on all the computers, and we have enough licenses for our own personal use as well.
• First journo party on Friday. People not in journo were taking food. I yelled. The party broke up fast.
  
• Joel dislikes our redesign.
  

homecoming drama; This is a long story. I just wish the whole thing didn't happen. James did ask Joyce in a very adorable way, though -- with a rose in a tree. Teehee, it was really cute! The dance aside, WE WON HOMECOMING, WUUUUUUUT ♥ It's a first for Leland, one class winning two years in a row :D

college; I'm torn between being excited for college and worrying about it and whether or not I'll get in. But what good will worrying do? Might as well enjoy this year to the fullest, finish it strong, and think about college after I'm done :)

friendship; I am grateful for all of my friends. I've grown closer to a lot of them, and I am happy for that. With some, I've grown apart, but I do my best not to have that happen. Elizabeth and I are still very much married and happy and alive and :) I give thanks for her every day, and not an afternoon goes by when I don't miss her. And we're seriously always together. If you find me during lunch, you'll always find her with me, and vice versa.

family lala; my daddy is moving to taiwan in about two weeks. long story for later on.

FOOTBALL; Man, I just started following the football scene, and I still don't get it, because it seriously just looks like men trying to kill each other and pigpile every few yardlines or so, but I LOVE WATCHING THE GAMES :) For the record, Cal got owned by USC today :(

Lastly, a small note to leave you all on. What an adorable MLIA;

Today, my boyfriend came dancing into the kitchen singing my name over and over, just as I was preparing to leave for work. He saw me, blushed and said "Oh, you're still here". Made my day. MLIA

:) that put a big smile on my face when I read it.
good evening to you all, and good night ♥