Wednesday, December 31, 2008
2008 AID Reunion
Quickly, because I have to go do homework and eat lunch. We made this for our three guys who didn't come to Norcal for our AID reunion. You can hear me laughing in the background near the end which is a dead giveaway. I failed.
This was our last day together.
I miss them already.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Happy holidays!
I hope everyone has had a happy holidays! I'm sorry for my absence on blogspot - I've been feeling less open lately, and have receded to my lj for posts. I'm feeling better now!
My holidays were just lovely. Family came over for a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner - and Tiffany & family came over too, so that was really nice :) Gift wise; I got a small pink mp3 player (that didn't work the way I liked) so it's being returned. However, the biggest gift of all - a Nintendo Wii, from my parents. It's supposedly only for them, but you know how the surprise goes. I picked up the package that said "Mom and Dad" and weighed it with my hands and concluded it was a Wii on the 23rd before I went to bed.
When my cousins came over on the 24th, I told them I thought my parents got us a Wii. They told me it was near impossible to get one nowadays - unless it was off eBay. I gave up some degree of hope. When we opened presents, we opened the Wii and my doubts were confirmed. We opened my cousins' gift last; it was so huge. I was really confused as to what it was - I thought it was a dog, but no, that was impossible. A dog couldn't have breathed through all the wrapping paper. It was huge. My brother and I tore it open - and lo and behold, my two cousins had known about the Wii all along, because what did they get us? Rockband - for the Wii.
I love my family.
Meanwhile...homework awaits. I leave you all with a 'happy holidays!' and best wishes for this new year :) I can't wait for 2009! A new beginning, fresh and clean. This is going to be nice.
My holidays were just lovely. Family came over for a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner - and Tiffany & family came over too, so that was really nice :) Gift wise; I got a small pink mp3 player (that didn't work the way I liked) so it's being returned. However, the biggest gift of all - a Nintendo Wii, from my parents. It's supposedly only for them, but you know how the surprise goes. I picked up the package that said "Mom and Dad" and weighed it with my hands and concluded it was a Wii on the 23rd before I went to bed.
When my cousins came over on the 24th, I told them I thought my parents got us a Wii. They told me it was near impossible to get one nowadays - unless it was off eBay. I gave up some degree of hope. When we opened presents, we opened the Wii and my doubts were confirmed. We opened my cousins' gift last; it was so huge. I was really confused as to what it was - I thought it was a dog, but no, that was impossible. A dog couldn't have breathed through all the wrapping paper. It was huge. My brother and I tore it open - and lo and behold, my two cousins had known about the Wii all along, because what did they get us? Rockband - for the Wii.
I love my family.
Meanwhile...homework awaits. I leave you all with a 'happy holidays!' and best wishes for this new year :) I can't wait for 2009! A new beginning, fresh and clean. This is going to be nice.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Wow.
I have never been more frustrated.
A- on the APUSH final. A final I seriously thought I failed.
And my grade didn't freaking move. I have an 89. I'm so, so close to a 90... but LP & participation hasn't gone it yet. I know they're not going to move it though. WHAT THE HE( ) heck.
I ... hate myself.
A- on the APUSH final. A final I seriously thought I failed.
And my grade didn't freaking move. I have an 89. I'm so, so close to a 90... but LP & participation hasn't gone it yet. I know they're not going to move it though. WHAT THE HE( ) heck.
I ... hate myself.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
What am I?
I am so tired. I feel horrible. It's 11:38 PM and I still need to rewrite one and a half of my precis and find one more allusion for the AP binder. I have done almost no studying for finals this weekend and I can't believe that after this week my grades are final.
I would rather die than see those grades on my transcript.
I would rather die than see those grades on my transcript.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Christmastime
What a happy time this is supposed to be. I love this time of year...when the Christmas trees come out, silver bells and gold stars hang everywhere, wreaths and Christmas lights come out onto peoples' front porches...I just love the season.
It's too bad I can't enjoy it this year.
→ edit
Why can't I do this? This is too much for me. No. It is not too much. So why can't I motivate myself to work? My grades already make me cry when I see them. Why am I like this?
I had so much motivation to work in freshman & sophomore year. I did work without question. I finished early so I could go to bed early. I finished early so I would have more time to do things that I loved to do, like spend time with family.
Why can't I do that now? Now, I put things off until the last minute, taking my happy time first and then freaking out when I can't finish. When I do the work, I don't ever do it well anymore. Ever. And that's why my grades are falling so hard.
The UC & CSU budget cuts scare the heck out of me too. Next year, it's going to be even worse when we apply. I don't know what to do. I can't motivate myself to work, and I can't tell myself that homework always comes first, no matter what. I don't know what I'm thinking anymore.
Kristine tells me not to be so hard on myself. But I'm not being hard on myself...I just never do work like I used to anymore. I don't sleep, and so my brain can't function correctly. When I think I'm doing something the right way, it never comes out right anymore. And that's why something so easy for others...is becoming a burden to me.
I don't know what I'm talking about. This was supposed to be a short rant. But it's turning into a long one. Inside, I feel absolutely hysterical. I don't know what, when, why, how. My future is blurry. I don't even know if I have one.
What am I going to do?
It's too bad I can't enjoy it this year.
→ edit
Why can't I do this? This is too much for me. No. It is not too much. So why can't I motivate myself to work? My grades already make me cry when I see them. Why am I like this?
I had so much motivation to work in freshman & sophomore year. I did work without question. I finished early so I could go to bed early. I finished early so I would have more time to do things that I loved to do, like spend time with family.
Why can't I do that now? Now, I put things off until the last minute, taking my happy time first and then freaking out when I can't finish. When I do the work, I don't ever do it well anymore. Ever. And that's why my grades are falling so hard.
The UC & CSU budget cuts scare the heck out of me too. Next year, it's going to be even worse when we apply. I don't know what to do. I can't motivate myself to work, and I can't tell myself that homework always comes first, no matter what. I don't know what I'm thinking anymore.
Kristine tells me not to be so hard on myself. But I'm not being hard on myself...I just never do work like I used to anymore. I don't sleep, and so my brain can't function correctly. When I think I'm doing something the right way, it never comes out right anymore. And that's why something so easy for others...is becoming a burden to me.
I don't know what I'm talking about. This was supposed to be a short rant. But it's turning into a long one. Inside, I feel absolutely hysterical. I don't know what, when, why, how. My future is blurry. I don't even know if I have one.
What am I going to do?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Some changes.
I feel so different today.
I find it really interesting that when I'm depressed, everyone in journalism automatically detects something's wrong. Everyone kind of looked at me funny today, because when I'm in the room it's usually incredibly loud, full of maniac-like laughs for the entire period. But I was really sad today... and man, everyone in journalism was like "Um...Karen? What's wrong with you today?!"
Truth is, my Project A got a 4. I can't say I'm not satisfied, because I really am. 40 points...it boosted my grade 2 percent. What made me depressed was the fact that I got a freaking -200 on my PSAT...and regardless of Project A, my grade in APUSH is still not an A. Which means I absolutely need an A on the APUSH final to get an A- in the class. I have an 89 now. I can't freaking believe I bombed the last two midterms; they pulled my grade down so, so much.
Now, PSAT. I was furious at myself today, when I got it back. I didn't break 2000. In fact, I wasn't even close. What kind of Asian am I? I fail. When I put my head in my hands, Tiffany and Laura thought I was happy that I got a good score. So, they started going like "Dude...I bet Karen totally aced that." "I know!" & that kind of just made me feel worse.
So, I went to journalism all depressed and glum. Joel pulled me outside after I was quiet for the entire period and asked what was wrong; when I told him it was PSAT he said I was too Asian. But that's not true! I'm not Asian enough, and that's why I failed that test.
All my friends are National Merit.
So when I came home today, I slept to get rid of the bad thoughts. When I woke up, they seemed to have disappeared. But now, I feel so determined to succeed, pick myself up and try again. I found that I played two straight hours of piano easily; I had absolutely no urge to get up and move around. For the full two hours, I sat there, played and concentrated, and the only thing in my mind was "You have to succeed. If you set your mind to it, do it."
Well, back to homework. I only allow myself 10 minutes writing blog posts/facebook each night now.
I find it really interesting that when I'm depressed, everyone in journalism automatically detects something's wrong. Everyone kind of looked at me funny today, because when I'm in the room it's usually incredibly loud, full of maniac-like laughs for the entire period. But I was really sad today... and man, everyone in journalism was like "Um...Karen? What's wrong with you today?!"
Truth is, my Project A got a 4. I can't say I'm not satisfied, because I really am. 40 points...it boosted my grade 2 percent. What made me depressed was the fact that I got a freaking -200 on my PSAT...and regardless of Project A, my grade in APUSH is still not an A. Which means I absolutely need an A on the APUSH final to get an A- in the class. I have an 89 now. I can't freaking believe I bombed the last two midterms; they pulled my grade down so, so much.
Now, PSAT. I was furious at myself today, when I got it back. I didn't break 2000. In fact, I wasn't even close. What kind of Asian am I? I fail. When I put my head in my hands, Tiffany and Laura thought I was happy that I got a good score. So, they started going like "Dude...I bet Karen totally aced that." "I know!" & that kind of just made me feel worse.
So, I went to journalism all depressed and glum. Joel pulled me outside after I was quiet for the entire period and asked what was wrong; when I told him it was PSAT he said I was too Asian. But that's not true! I'm not Asian enough, and that's why I failed that test.
All my friends are National Merit.
So when I came home today, I slept to get rid of the bad thoughts. When I woke up, they seemed to have disappeared. But now, I feel so determined to succeed, pick myself up and try again. I found that I played two straight hours of piano easily; I had absolutely no urge to get up and move around. For the full two hours, I sat there, played and concentrated, and the only thing in my mind was "You have to succeed. If you set your mind to it, do it."
Well, back to homework. I only allow myself 10 minutes writing blog posts/facebook each night now.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
fruitless ambitions
I have honestly given up on AP Biology.
It seems as if everything I do in that class is so fruitless. I read, but I get yelled at in class for "obviously not reading". I just don't remember, really. I have all that APUSH reading in my mind...do you honestly believe I have the time to constantly reread my AP Bio notes? I do the work I'm required to do. But honestly, this class has made me hate biology.
I don't know what kind of college I'm going to. I don't want to know until the time really comes. But I'm definitely screwing up my life right now; my grades being what they are.
Not just the class, everything I do is so fruitless. Why don't I have a motivation to study anymore? Why I am so addicted to the internet, something I never had a problem with back in freshman & sophomore year? Why don't I get my butt off Facebook or Livejournal and just start working? Is it really that hard? If not then why can't I do it?
What is wrong with me?
It seems as if everything I do in that class is so fruitless. I read, but I get yelled at in class for "obviously not reading". I just don't remember, really. I have all that APUSH reading in my mind...do you honestly believe I have the time to constantly reread my AP Bio notes? I do the work I'm required to do. But honestly, this class has made me hate biology.
I don't know what kind of college I'm going to. I don't want to know until the time really comes. But I'm definitely screwing up my life right now; my grades being what they are.
Not just the class, everything I do is so fruitless. Why don't I have a motivation to study anymore? Why I am so addicted to the internet, something I never had a problem with back in freshman & sophomore year? Why don't I get my butt off Facebook or Livejournal and just start working? Is it really that hard? If not then why can't I do it?
What is wrong with me?
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