Some changes.

I feel so different today.

I find it really interesting that when I'm depressed, everyone in journalism automatically detects something's wrong. Everyone kind of looked at me funny today, because when I'm in the room it's usually incredibly loud, full of maniac-like laughs for the entire period. But I was really sad today... and man, everyone in journalism was like "Um...Karen? What's wrong with you today?!"

Truth is, my Project A got a 4. I can't say I'm not satisfied, because I really am. 40 points...it boosted my grade 2 percent. What made me depressed was the fact that I got a freaking -200 on my PSAT...and regardless of Project A, my grade in APUSH is still not an A. Which means I absolutely need an A on the APUSH final to get an A- in the class. I have an 89 now. I can't freaking believe I bombed the last two midterms; they pulled my grade down so, so much.

Now, PSAT. I was furious at myself today, when I got it back. I didn't break 2000. In fact, I wasn't even close. What kind of Asian am I? I fail. When I put my head in my hands, Tiffany and Laura thought I was happy that I got a good score. So, they started going like "Dude...I bet Karen totally aced that." "I know!" & that kind of just made me feel worse.

So, I went to journalism all depressed and glum. Joel pulled me outside after I was quiet for the entire period and asked what was wrong; when I told him it was PSAT he said I was too Asian. But that's not true! I'm not Asian enough, and that's why I failed that test.

All my friends are National Merit.

So when I came home today, I slept to get rid of the bad thoughts. When I woke up, they seemed to have disappeared. But now, I feel so determined to succeed, pick myself up and try again. I found that I played two straight hours of piano easily; I had absolutely no urge to get up and move around. For the full two hours, I sat there, played and concentrated, and the only thing in my mind was "You have to succeed. If you set your mind to it, do it."

Well, back to homework. I only allow myself 10 minutes writing blog posts/facebook each night now.